the body language

“the most important part of communication is to hear what isn’t being said” – Peter.F.Drucker
Many a times our body is communicating even when we are not. Look at the guys tilt their heads and run their fingers through their hair. If you follow the direction of the tilt you will find their object of interest. With girls meddling with the hair would either mean interest or boredom.
When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another a practised man relies on the language of the first—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lot of people don’t seem to realize that standing too close to a person is intruding into the person’s private space. There are definite zone pattern of personal space.
Public zone 4mts-sight extent
Social zone 1 – 4 mts.
Personal zone 60cms-1mt.
Intimate zone 0 – 60cm.
This is of course given to cultural variation when you are in a personal zone it is useful to keep 45 from the person(particularly if you want to flirt with the person) this makes the person feel less threatened. Give the person the choice to move closer. Narrowed eyes indicate that person in uncomfortable with you. The ability to communicate and connect to a person depends on your capacity to make that person valuable. Some simple signals that could help
• Scan – just gazing around take no more than 5 – 10 secs.
• Hello directed at the person who interests you this is a quick glance and look away.
• Look in once you suspect mutual interest repeated make fleeting eye contact.
• Smile.
• Flash the eyebrow for a second anything more than that will make you look Groucho Marx. Combine this with a smile and eye contact your communication is complete.
• Go over and introduce yourself with simple and direct”hi I’m so and so.”
Practising observing body language.
Initially use a notebook and write down the non verbal signals.
• Work makes people’s body language change particularly if the boss is around.
• Friends their body language particularly mirroring and how it changes when another party of mutual interest comes.
• Couples in love
• Couples in conflict.
re

greying gracefully

Aging and the fun of it.
Growing up in a family teaches us how to get along with people who are not ur age group and also of different interests.
Small things like my normal state of myopia becoming far sight though part of aging I know was bound to happen as I have seen the others in my family go through it.
Sometimes my friends and I have visualized becoming feminine version of the dirty old men that leer at the young things in the bar and have a laugh. Imagine 40—50 something women maybe even older leering at the software blokes at a pub! LOL
May be I should quote Ruth Gordon to myself once in a while” there is one smashing rule: never face facts of life” so we don’t have to face the fact guys are not interesting unless they have lived at least most of the history that you have.
Just as bifocals are part of life I know menopause will also be. Until we decided to Americanize our life and health concern menopause and pre-and post was less traumatic and even physiologically bothersome for women from Islamic countries, central and eastern Asia. For in these societies menopause meant, release from menstrual taboos. It also meant shift from youth and sexual focus to power and authority (the MIL) this by is a study conducted by an Ethiopian medical anthropologist. Yewoubdar Bryenne.
I think every woman needs to say this to herself.
Blessed be my brain
That I may conceive of my own power
Blessed be my breast
That I may give sustenance to those I love
Blessed be my womb
That I may create what I choose to create
Blessed be my knees
That I bend so as not to break
Blessed me feet
That I might walk in path of highest will.

Connecting to people

Do you realize how sometimes we suddently clique with somepeople and sometimes we don’t
Watch people at a restraint or talking to each other they seem to mirror each other , example if one has his left foot fowrd the other has his right. Another thing I found on experimenting is that if we are able to mirror a person’s breathing pattern they are able to relax faster with you
Try this experiment sometime, say you observe a person who is tapping his finger’s or shaking a leg, lets settle for the leg as an example, tap your fingers to same rhythm in an abstract manner, the person slowly becomes aware of you
To connect to people one needs to know how the person perceives communication. These clues are available from their conversations, people are either
Visual
Audio
Feelers.
Visual are people who visualize a communication that is to a picture emerges before them. Visual people tend to breathe quick shallow breathes very easily disracted, their breathing is from the upper chest and conversation is strewn with
I see what you mean
That seems clear
Can you show it to me
Listeners: they take in the words that you see, and internalize it, they are a little slow in their response, breathing is from mid chest. Their phrases tend to be
That sounds right
Rings a bell
Tell me about it.
Feelers: its not that the others don’t feel, but these people are in the body mind circuit, their responses are very very slow. Their conversations tend contain
Let me get the feel of it
I’ll put my mind to it.
Take a fun test for yourself.
This test is courtesy www.datedoctors.com
Find out whether you are a see-er, listener, or a feeler circle the responses and check it out
What attracts you to others
how they look
how they sound
how they move
when I am talking to someone I see
see what they are saying
hear what they are saying
get a feel of what they are saying
when I’m lost
I prefer a map
ask for directions
trust my gut instincts
I prefer to
go the movies, watch TV or a video
go to a concert, listen to music or the radio
play sport or do something physical
when I have lots of things to do i
make a list or imagine myself doing them
keep reminding myself to do them
feel uneasy until they are done
I prefer books or magazines
with lot of pictures
lot of articles
which are practical and how to
I go to places where
1. I can watch people
2. there is music conversation or quiet
3. there are things to do
If I have a problem i
look for ways to solve it
talk about solutions
churn it over until it feels right
when learning something new it iseasier for me to
have someone show me how todo it
have someone explain what to do
get in and do it my self.
Count the number of 1,2, and 3 responses
Totals 1(looker)---2(listner)---3(feeler)---

Judging the beauty judges.

“just one , I wish I'd been prettier”
was Eleanor Roosevelt's only regret in life
“any man with $42 million looks like Clark Gable”
was Don Kiln's comment on Mohamed Ali
Androgynous – an interesting word. Reflects today's women and parameters of good looks, since child bearing and famine fear are no more issue the curvaceous woman is out. Just look at the all American beauty icons, the post world war II America with massive population depletion had Marilyn Munroe as its icon in 1950, by 1960 when the need was overcome she was replaced by Jackie Kennedy to the Twiggy Ann of today.
A man's body was considered an instrument of power so they are less judged by appearances, in today's desked culture which is divorced off physical labour male muscles announces leisure discipline sexuality and fitness
but world wide women are being pushed into while ideals of beauty.
Though very very slowly the language of power is shifting causing a change in the parameter. Look at the afro hairstyles, rap, music or dressing.
Clothes and body ornamentation follow the same political fuels of male strength and female weakness.
Just in case we are looking at a free west-- women are put into restriction of fashion there too, see the insistence of demure frocks with buttons behind, stay neat and trim, gown clad women limping on spiked heels.
Look at the women news reader they are often much younger than their male counterparts after all with age comes authority, these beauty standards set by a youth worshiping media help to get rid of the women just as they are attaining real power.
When men are held to the youth worshiping standards they serve the same purpose as women yet women age while men mature!?!
sometimes I feel beauty is less about looks than behavior for women it is more about sex and reproduction for men it is more economic and productivity.
If the standard for women is the iron maiden or rather the plastic Barbie for a man it is the iron man. Powerful strong and handsome. A design men are vainly; trying to live up to. Men are discouraged from using higher octaves of voice, crying or smiling.
A smile in a man is seen is ingratiation and weakness.

“Great ides originate in the muscle” – Thomas Edison

Watch men and women stand women tend to stand with their legs together but men tend to stand with their legs apart. Standing with legs apart is a little aggressive.
Interestingly women draped in sari’s tend to stand with their legs apart.
When we stretch and take a full stance it makes us feel stronger. While when we cramp we feel smaller.
In a manner of saying re-inventing our body physiology we are able to change our mindset.
Breathing – it is known that pranayama has beneficial effects. It is energizing. Particularly if you exhale slower than inhaling. Like wise inhaling slower than exhaling calms the body down.
Touch – is the earliest source of discovery and a continuing need. Without frequent human contact retardation is seen particularly in children development stops and many a time life goes out.
Sexuality – orgasm and other forms of sexual expression are sources of self affirmations. These are so important that ⅔ of the psychiatrists believe that when deprived of a regular outlet for sexual gratification people nearly always or often enough loose self esteem.
Physical imagery -- the body seems to have its own antennae when sensing degree of esteem or contempt in which similar bodies are held. Example see a movie where a strong women protagonist is seen. Women tend to walk out heads held high after seeing such a movie
Moving in space – freedom to explore our environment and develop our body abilities are a link to intellectual development example autonomy of sexes exists in certain Eskimo tribes here no gender difference was exhibited in the intellectual development as opposed to the marginally superior male intellect exhibited in cultures where women are restricted.
A study on space occupation by individuals showed that people are not comfortable occupying space and tend to curl up.

women's power?

March 8th saw the international women’s day.
There were talks, honouring all round the state, the oppression of women, etc. etc. how women were to be empowered, even our ladies club had its women’s day special and the ultimate my friends could think was a game on who would fold the newspaper, fold clothes, and assort mixed grain fastest was declared winner. Never mind we do it 24x7 365 days a year. If this was at one end of the scale the other was the talk organized by citizens forum where women of “various walks of life” spoke about hurdles in their life because they were women. One eminent writer thought saris were a nuisance and mangalsutra was symbol of being oppressed an woman TV reporter thought that men made ogled at her as she worked and that was a nuisance. This is one person I shall name, Melinda Pereira Kamat who wanted her right to breast feed her child when at work, I have named her because she has gone to the courts for this, but in granting her right do we realize that we might impeaching on someone else’s right? Let me give an example Madam X will nurse her child, she will do it at the office hours, getting up from her seat, what about her share of the work it remains undone. How fair is it to the person who has come to get the work done, they are juggling this with their family and career schedule, you have eaten some time they had scheduled for another work, now that work remains undone. – so we are eating up man-hours. If you are so particular about this thing then pay the price for and take off from work, if your work is important pay the piper there your child suffers!
I can quote many such instances, where this kind of things happen. As a child I remember my friend’s father was a surgeon, and her mother was a gynac, aunty used have her OPD only up to 12 noon and did one evening rounds, otherwise she was at home, but Sir had a PG who was carrying she would refuse to go for rounds in the burns ward because the smell made her puke, after delivery she would avoid nights and evening duty because she has a baby at home so her male colleagues chip in. we used to resent the fact that our father’s were for ever on call, and had no time for us, I didn’t really analyse this then.
Its only now I see it, my husband has 3 women colleagues, one turns up at 11 am and leaves at 3, she takes off whenever her kid is sick or her kid has to do this that etc. the other again leaves at 5pm no matter hell has been let loose because her baby sitter leaves at 5pm. The third leaves the dept. at 4.30 sharp because she wants to be home by 5pm -- the time her kids come home, any departmental work done on Sunday is handled by the men because the women need to attend to the house, any guest lecturers or work after 5pm again men handle because women need to go home, which means,
I have to give up my work because my husband cannot bail me out,
My children get lesser time with their father because the career women want time with their kids and their pay packet
I think all my feminist friends out there need to realize that you can’t have chivalry and equality hand in hand, if you want to compete in the food gather’s arena then it is the survival of fittest, and be willing to pay the price. If you are so women oriented forget your male colleagues your selfishness is disturbing his spouse who in our culture still happen to women.